[ Artist / Within ] In a Brooklyn dance studio and community space, Coleen muses on her transformative journey into pole dancing and the art of performance

I don’t have much family nearby. Most of my family, both immediate and extended, are either mostly in Canada or have settled in the West Coast. Initially, that fact didn’t bother me. I never considered myself close to family; however, as I grow older, I'm discovering more about the intricate yet rewarding dynamics of familial relationships.

Coleen is my cousin from my dad’s second marriage (aka my stepmother’s niece). I remember when we were first introduced, we were all pretty young and we’d (my siblings and I) spend a good amount of our summers at Coleen’s parents’ place in San Jose. When you’re that young, it’s exciting to make new friends, especially if they’re now considered your family (it’s like the reverse order of cousins-turned-friends!). I distinctly remember Coleen exuding a bubbly energy. She was so welcoming of my siblings and I, especially since we invaded her only-child space. Those summers are always remembered with so much joy during my younger years.

Fast forward into our budding adulthood, I learned Coleen had moved to New York. We reconnected and would hang out as much as we could, given that we were really each other’s only family out here. It felt good to have her nearby because she was a significant piece of home at some time for me. Yet, what I hadn’t realized was that I’d also witness Coleen’s metamorphasis into her own person — one I wouldn’t be familiar with from our childhood. She was gracefully exploring her identity as a grown woman, away from her parents, in a completely new city. As an older cousin, I felt it was my responsibility to offer guidance, but it didn’t take long for me to learn that Coleen was and always will be in her own lane. And she’ll do it effortlessly.

So, when I watched her become this beautiful pole dancer and performer, I was completely in awe. Her confidence and strength, both physically and mentally, inspired me, prompting a desire to learn more about the woman in front of me. It felt like rediscovering my cousin all over again, and it was truly exciting.

In this conversation, Coleen shares her journey into pole dancing, a path that seemed almost fated given her extensive background in dance and performing arts. She candidly discusses the challenges of teaching while navigating her unique style of pole dancing and performing. We also delve into breaking down societal stigmas associated with pole dancing. However, what I learned most from this conversation is that Coleen has such a clear grasp on what she wants to embody through her art, and strives to inspire the same for her students.

How did you get into pole dancing?

In 2018, I wrote down a bucket list of creative and fun things I wanted to do before the end of the year. Taking a pole class was one of them. I took my first class in San Jose and had a blast. It was challenging, but I was surprised by my own strength. I never considered myself a particularly strong person before but I managed to climb the pole. I became addicted to how much fun and freeing pole dancing is. I continued to take classes because it felt like the obvious thing to do. Why wouldn’t I want to express myself, have fun, and grow stronger?

To me, this is the obvious life. It’s a no-brainer. I didn't feel like I was making hard choices.

It’s been so invigorating for me to watch your journey, because it came out of nowhere. At least for me, it looked like that. It seems like there was something in you that was almost vying to be somewhat unleashed, and it seemed like you found that through pole dancing. From the outside, it didn’t look like it was naturally an easy decision.

Yeah, that makes sense. It is a very niche hobby. It takes a lot of dedication because it requires a lot of physical energy, time, and it's an expensive hobby. For many of us who are really passionate about it, one reason why we go into teaching is so we can afford it. As instructors, we can typically take classes at the studio we work at for free and use the studio when there are no classes in session to train.

So when you [talk about my] evolution into pole dancing, it just felt like an easy decision.

What makes getting into pole dancing an easier decision than other decisions you've made?

I've always loved to dance and I've always loved doing different styles of dance. I don't like sticking to just [one style], like hip hop or ballet.

I love performing arts as well — I did theatre in high school and in college. I acted on stage and danced in musicals. I loved getting into character, and pole dancing has been a way for me to combine those different passions of mine.

Pole dancing is not a single type of dance. There are many different styles of dance that can be applied to pole. With pole dancing, you can show off your strength, you can show off your flexibility. You can do aerial work, you can stay on the ground, you can do floor work. Adding a pole to your dance gives you more options in terms of what you can do with your body to express yourself. At the end of the day, I am a dancer; I see the pole as a tool for me to help express myself.

What do you feel like you've learned about yourself through pole dancing from where you started and where you are now?

I think pole dancing has really changed my mindset around learning and change. I've been able to learn so much and change so much, both mentally and physically, through pole. It gives me a lot of confidence to be able to apply that in other areas of my life. And I think it also gives me a lot of faith in other people too — to be able to change, to be able to grow.

When I first started pole, I was not in shape. I mean, I wasn't not in shape. I was taking yoga classes on a weekly basis, but prior to then, I wasn't doing pull-ups. I wasn't doing push-ups. I was fine, but looking back at my old videos, I was like, “Wow.” I definitely was not as physically capable as I am now. You can ask any pole dancer, but I think what makes pole dancing so addictive is that every time you take another class you notice yourself getting stronger, better, more agile. The feeling is different from when you take a spin class or a barre class or a yoga class. You feel empowered.

How do you see yourself expressing yourself through pole dancing? What is it that you want to convey when people watch you dance?

It depends on the performance, event, or occasion. If I'm training in the studio then maybe I'm just dancing just for myself. And if I'm dancing for myself, it might mean I’m expressing whatever my body is feeling that day through movement. If I'm performing, I like to come up with some sort of character or persona. It depends what vibe I'm creating for an event, which may be up to the producer that hired me. If I'm creating a piece for myself, I find music that I really connect to and then translate that through my movement.

I mean, this is where your performing arts side comes in, too. What do you think you bring to your specific style of performing that is different or unique compared to anybody else?

I really like storytelling — that's really fun for me. I also like working with props. In a lot of my favorite performances, I work with fabrics and scarves. I've worked with a large, heavy burlesque gown to do a burlesque-pole act. I would say it’s unique in how I use props and infuse elements of burlesque with pole.

How do you come up with your pieces?

Usually what happens is one of two things: if somebody asks me to perform for a show, they tell me what the theme is, what the vibe is, and then I'll let it sit for a while as an idea comes. Then I'll start to visualize and develop [the piece] in my head. Or I hear a song and the piece will begin to visualize in my mind. The more I lean into the vision by carving out time to experiment with it and dance with it, the more clear it becomes until it’s complete.

Do you choose a song first, or do you choose the feeling first?

I usually choose a song first. If I'm really connecting with the song, then the idea and the piece will come. But sometimes it's the other way around. It really depends, but what's most important is that I connect to the song.

Do you ever feel like you have the ebbs and flows within your relationship with pole?

All the time! It's changed a lot throughout the years.

When I first started pole dancing back in 2018, I was more into static pole. If you don't know, the pole has two modes: static and spin. Dancing on spin pole can require more strength and stamina because you need to manipulate your body weight while you’re spinning around and managing dizziness.

There are different categories and styles of pole dance. Low flow focuses on dancing on the ground and around the base of the pole. Low flow is often contrasted with aerial movement/tricks, which is done up the pole and requires height. Whether I’m on the ground or in the air, pole gives me the freedom to express myself in different ways. As someone with a dance background but no athletic background, I found static low flow more intuitive early on and leaned into that. As I built more strength and spin tolerance, I began enjoying dancing aerially on spin pole.

I did a lot more floorwork at the beginning of my journey. Recently I've gotten into more heels work, too. When you're first starting out, learning a new art form, you don't have a wide vocabulary to express yourself with yet.You're learning how to do the basics. In the first two to three years, I took classes from many different instructors and as I built my foundations. And then once I had a solid foundation, I was able to start experimenting and developing my own style.

Where do you get your inspiration from?

I did a lot more floorwork at the beginning of my journey. Recently I've gotten into more heels work, too. When you're first starting out, learning a new art form, you don't have a wide vocabulary to express yourself with yet.You're learning how to do the basics. In the first two to three years, I took classes from many different instructors and as I built my foundations. And then once I had a solid foundation, I was able to start experimenting and developing my own style.

At every pole studio I've been, I'm surrounded by beautiful dancers that inspire me.I'm inspired by other students and the instructors and the staff that I work with. I feel so honored to be a part of such an all-star teams. We have experiences in many other art and movement modalities, and pole [dancing] brings us all together into one space

As you're watching all these people and they're these huge sources of inspiration, how do you find a balance between them being an inspiration, but also not finding yourself feeling imposter syndrome or comparing yourself to other dancers?

I've definitely had a lot of those [comparison] thoughts all the time. What really changed my perspective is realizing that anyone can get better with time and practice. If someone's better at something than me, then I should just take that as a note to spend more time practicing the skill or quality that I admire in them. If someone's better than me at something, it's likely because they've done it a lot more times than I have. I think, “How can I expect to be better than someone who has a lot more experience than me? I should focus on.bettering myself” And I don't think it's a matter of “I'll never get better or be as good as someone,” because the thing is, that's life. That's science — if you do something enough times, you will get better at it. It will happen no matter what.

Have there been moments where you're over pole dancing? Have you hit that point yet?

Not seriously yet. There've been times where I'm over certain styles or tricks but then I pivot into something else. There are [also] times when I've definitely doubted myself when I started teaching. I thought , “What am I even doing? You should just give up.” Or sometimes there’s silly drama that happens within the "[pole dancing] community. But at the end of the day, I tell myself, “You know what? It's just dancing.”

It's something that brings me a lot of joy, and I’m just happy to be able to do what I love.

What is it about teaching pole dancing that initially made it so scary?

Teaching is hard. Teaching is a job. You show up in front of anywhere from one to 17 people. Maybe you know them, maybe they're strangers, and you are responsible for their safety. Pole dancing is a very hard sport. It's extremely difficult, and it can be dangerous. I know I shouldn't put too much pressure on myself [as a teacher], but I feel like I'm responsible for people's lives within that hour and 15 minutes. The injuries you get from pole dancing can be very serious.

How do you decipher between the feeling of, “Is this something that I'm challenging myself so that I get better at?” or “Is this something that simply isn’t my particular preference of style?”

Well, at the end of the day, I work a lot on my foundations and what I mean by foundations is just pure strength. For example, “Do I have basic strengths to do things like pull-ups and push-ups, squats, reps?” I spent a lot of time working on my strength and my flexibility and my foundations, such as basic dance moves; steps, and turns, and things like that. All of that isn't [related] to a style. That is just the basis for everything else in pole dancing. I think that is how I can decide if something is a stylization versus something that is foundational that you need to work on.

Yeah, that definitely makes sense. There's a difference between bettering your foundation and your technical skills versus exploring your own style.

Yeah, defining styles. I don't really know how I know if a style is for me, or not. I mean, I don't really know. I don't rule anything out because I have phases. I can be in a phase where I'm really into a particular style, but I wouldn't rule out another style. Maybe I'll just explore it down the road. So you don't commit yourself to a style, you're kind of trying anything. Unless I think it's ugly, but maybe if it's ugly, it's still fun. I've always been down to try different styles, not just in pole dancing — I'm down to try any type of style at least a few times before ruling it out.

For anyone who's new or unfamiliar with pole dancing, there is a sort of stigma with pole dancing that challenges the boundaries of female sensuality and eroticism. It's always been fascinating for me because you're really tapping into what femininity means.

When you first started getting into pole dancing, what were the challenges you faced in terms of perceptions and judgments, even by people you are close with? How did you confront those judgments and address them?

There's a stigma attached to stripping and sex work, which is where pole dancing originates from. It didn’t bother me that people equated my pole dancing to stripping because that’s simply wrong. So I thought, “Okay, I think they just don't understand.”

I didn't tell my parents, but I told them I dance because I've danced throughout my childhood. I selectively tell people that I pole dance. For example, I almost never tell my work colleagues or people who I know will judge me for pole dancing. It’s only been an issue a handful of times with my peers, but I don’t get offended by it. It can make people feel uncomfortable when women are very comfortable with their bodies and are expressing themselves in a sensual way. It's very triggering for a lot of people for different reasons.

I can imagine it’s also because you are a very relatable person, but then it’s almost so personable to someone who's not tapped in to that level of comfort with their own bodies or level of sensuality, that that's where the triggering comes from.

Maybe it is. When I started pole dancing, I noticed that my classmates were so comfortable with themselves. I was like, “Whoa.” When I was growing up, the girls in my class and I would be in the girl's bathroom, look at ourselves in the mirror, and pick ourselves apart — I’m sure every girl has experienced that. We look at themselves in the mirror and we talk about the things that we don't like about ourselves. That was a very common way of being, especially in a Vietnamese household. Vietnamese women pick on each other’s looks, and that's how I grew up. So I thought that was normal but then when I came to [the world of] pole dancing and I saw how everyone's just so comfortable with themselves, and how they're cheering for each other and they're telling everyone else how great they look. They're telling themselves how great they look. I thought, “What? This is weird. I'm not used to people hyping themselves and other people up in this way, especially women or just anyone.”

Being in a really feminine space and seeing people really happy and loving their bodies, was really weird to me but in a good way. I was like, “I like this.” When you're surrounded by that [energy], then by osmosis, this [body] positivity starts to become a part of you, too.

I think what you're doing is also opening up this accessibility for people to really understand that there is a difference between being insecure and being intrigued by a person. It's a fine line but as soon as you cross the line of thinking, “I'd actually rather be intrigued and learn more” rather than “I’m too insecure” and shy away from that energy, then there is empowerment to making that choice for yourself.

I think that's what makes your art with pole dancing unique because it's not just this expressive craft that people are naturally in awe of, but you're also challenging so many stigmas and stereotypes, both as a woman and as an Asian woman. How do you move past all the [judgmental] noise and continue doing what you're doing without trying to be bogged down by all of it?

To be honest, I really don't have any noise because the people I'm surrounded by are really supportive. That is definitely a big gift that pole dancing has given me: a community of really supportive and uplifting people, and people who are very encouraging, in general. That's something that I hope to be able to pass on to my students too. I want to take all my favorite parts of pole dancing and then create that experience for my students. That's a big reason why I love pole dancing. I want us to feel really beautiful and own our own bodies, and feel free to express ourselves without judgment, whether it's perceived or real, from themselves or from other people. I feel like that's really nice and that extends beyond pole dancing.

I love that pole dancing is also this quiet rebellion. As dancers, you’re almost challenging all these gender norms by doing exactly the opposite of what society expects women to do.

I don't know if that's something that's done on purpose. So many aspects of pole dancing have been inherited from the strippers that brought pole into the mainstream from the clothes, to the heels, to the moves. Other beautiful [elements of pole dancing] have been intermingled with [other forms of movement] too.

What separates pole dancing from other similar art forms such as aerial arts, like aerial hoop and silks, in terms of culture is due to its lineage.

I love that, that it's just a natural progression. It's not an intentional revolution. It just naturally became so because you're just doing what's beautiful. Do you ever consider what your purpose in pole is?

Have fun, express myself, simply be able to share that with others ,and develop a greater relationship with my body. That's what I aim to give to my students–to empower them, to help them grow stronger, and to feel confident in their bodies. At the end of the day, it comes down to a mind-body connection, and having fun. I think having fun is the most important thing because once you start to lose sight of that, then everything kind of falls apart. Then it’s like, “Why are you doing this?” It's just all for fun. It’s fun to express ourselves and to feel good in our bodies.

That's what I want for myself, and what I want to share with people. It's really not that serious.

“I think it can make people feel uncomfortable when women are very comfortable with their bodies and are expressing themselves in a sensual way”

How do you think your relationship with pole dancing is going to continue in the future, and how long do you think it'll continue for?

Hopefully, as long as I can. I think it's important to focus on longevity. More training potentially comes with a lot of injuries. It's easy to overtrain when you're having a lot of fun. We don't talk enough about injury prevention and cross-training in pole dancing. I would like to be amongst those other pole dancers who are dancing well into their thirties, forties, fifties, etc, and be sustainable in my practice to continue to be able to develop my craft, dance, and teach.

How do you help your students get mentally comfortable, and what are the challenges you've confronted mentally?

Some people have a negative mindset about themselves. They think, “I'm never going to get this move, I'm never going to invert.” They try something a few times and they get frustrated with themselves when they don’t get it. I think using positive language helps. Like I said earlier, it's physically impossible to keep doing something the right way over and over and over and over again, and continue to be bad at it. Every single time you take a class, you do more reps of something, you are going to get better. You're naturally going to get better. That's the type of mindset I try to encourage my students with. It's really believing in that commitment. You will get better.

Also, being in the early stages or learning stages of doing something new, as frustrating as they are, is such a beautiful place to be in because you're really learning new parts about yourself.

One of my favorite feelings is leaving class and thinking, “I can't believe I did that,” or “Today sucked but I’m proud that I still showed up for myself.” That makes me really happy when other people feel that way, too.

What are you most proud of for yourself as a pole dancer?

I'm proud of just the sheer amount of effort that I put in, even when I didn't get the results that I had hoped for. I just kept going.

That's huge, honestly, to get to a point where that's enough for you versus the result being the measure of success.

I look back on my old performances or my old videos and I’m like, “That was not what I wanted for myself.” But I think about how much time I put in just to even try to get there. And I'm impressed by that; the time that I put in, the dedication to my goal . I'm proud of myself for that. It’s the journey I'm proud of.

This is a story from my ongoing artist portrait series and editorial campaign entitled Artist/Within. It is a collection of conversations I’ve captured with the artists in my life, revealing the delicate balance they maintain between their daily routines and the pursuit of their artistic passions.

Read other conversations within the collection here.