Irrevocably Me
Scapes NY top // Missguided skirt // H&M mules //
c/o //
c/o
Rewards will go as far as you're willing to risk. And if you're not taking those risks, life won't know what to reward you on. I didn't realize how important this meant and how relevant it'd become the more I encountered "adult" situations. And then I learned that I'm really fending for myself out here in this mad, wild concrete jungle we call life. If I'm not my own warrior, publicist, or advocate, can I really expect to get what I want? The sun will only shine as much as I uncover the shades. The water will flow only as much as the dam is removed. In the end, the only person who can truly represent me best is myself, so I might as well see how far I can push my limits to achieve my goals. The worst that'll happen is getting a "no", but even then, I'm conditioning myself to accept "no" as just two little letters and nothing more.
It's been a consistent theme in my life lately. For instance, work has been especially stressful due to certain circumstances and I knew I was going to get hit with tons of workload that was beyond my scope. It wasn't that I didn't want to do it, because I knew I was more than capable of taking on the challenge and I was determined to grow within it, but it was that I wanted to make sure I was getting fully credited for the work I deserved. I wanted my value to be recognized and I wanted to ensure I wasn't being taken advantage of. Business is business and frankly, no one is measuring my accountability as priority. So I did the most adult thing I've done since I've moved out my parents' place and discussed my growth opportunities ($$$) with my director. Yeah, it was extremely intimidating, but also incredibly rewarding knowing I could put myself out there and not be afraid to simply ask for what I want. It's not something I can say about myself a year ago; I would've just let things go as they were and passively wait for life to deal its cards. But I'm taking my newly found lesson as a forcible habit going forward because there's no way I'm letting life make my decisions without it knowing what I want. Whether it's work, social life, or even just with my parents, I'm learning to ask for my own rewards when I believe they're due. I'm dictating life to cater to me.
You're allowed to be rewarded in life even if it means having to fight for it. It only further signifies that you know your worth, and you know what you deserve. No one can take that away from you or judge you for fending for yourself. Just as plants need watering when the sun wants to shine, you, too, deserve to water your efforts as life spreads light on your art.
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