Here of Her
Brave Soul sweater from Asos // H&M pants // Mango boots //
watch c/o //
earrings c/o
I lived all but about three months of my quarter life and I already feel a glimpse of an immense transitional period of life when I sincerely consider the hoards I've collected--both emotionally and relationally--and yearbook things that need to be stored in memory, while carrying the pieces that deserve re-seeding for a newer purpose in my refurbished life. From relationships to passions to priorites and responsbilities, and even to mentality, I've done a meaningful cleanse for all. It's quite frightening, honestly, to reflect on the changes and aspects that have become temporary passings when they were once things I committedly believed in as forever's. All of a sudden, all that time invested and all that energy consumed, seem so unfortunately prodigal. I sit there staring at it all, sitting idley in my lap. And I know myself to be romantically sentimental--holding onto memories and moments like tiny lockets of a never-ending necklace, each enclasped with emotions I used to feel so deeply and wholly and intensely. How do I let those go? How do I dispel times that spoke so profoundly and vividly at certain points in my life? They've contributed to a wholesome and better me today and it's important for me to not forget these experiences.
But there's a difference between forgetting and treasuring. Between neglecting and remembering. Honoring the past isn't holding onto the past. What I've learned and the mistakes buried deep in my pockets, they bring depth to my future and create dimension to my landscape. It doesn't mean, however, that I am bounded by the gratefulness I owe to the past. I'm not obligated to dictate my actions in order to revere things that have led me to where I am. I will hold them all--relationships, experiences, my past self--close to my heart, but they are not the forefront of my growth. They lay neatly tucked like the shoeboxes of sentiment stacked underneath my bed as building blocks for greater heights. I've come to a point where I am prioritizing the limited "free" time I have for things that are meaningful for the new me right now and the better I'm becoming soon.
The old me would've forced my exhausted self to fit all my responsibilties in a small window and get them done..or else. The old me would've been annoyed if I wasn't consistently productive. The old me would've been stressed and turn miserable and grumpy if things didn't go right the way I had expected them to go. But today, not anymore because the new me is learning forgiveness and unapologizing for not addressing every single task on my never-ending "to-do" list. The new me is regarding the past to guide my future, but I answer to my present first. Because when all is said and done, it really comes down to three things:
1. Am I really to blame, or is this a result of situation, bad luck, or other people?
2. How long will this actually last?
2. What does this
really
affect in my life?
Three years from now, how will today's stress reflect my future's fate? And it's not that I am abandoning things I've loved (and will continue to love), but instead, I'm using that space for seeing the world new. I'm creating a world of my resilience and valuing an affinity for my energy.
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