[ Listen ] A Modern Love Podcast Episode: "Out of the Darkness”

(Link to full podcast episode here)

There have been way too many Modern Love episodes that have left me in a puddle of tears, with a heavy pit in my stomach, swimming deep my feelings—in a good but sad way. This particular episode, however, really stuck with me and made me restlessly reflect on my own life. Though many of these stories’ topics have hit a personal chord in me, I think this one left me more worried than at ease. Not the kind of worry in a panicky sort of way, but the kind of worry where if I didn’t address the matter now, my future significant other would have to tell this story, too.

This story is written by a husband who shares his exhausting but unconditionally loving struggle to help his wife through her suicidal thoughts and episodic depressions. He would be unequivocally patient and sheltering, embracing her through whatever dark clouds passed through her mind.

This one line really did it for me when I could no longer hold back my stream of tears: “I told her I loved her, that so many other people loved her too, that she was so strong for holding on, that none of this is her fault, that the feelings would go away, that she just had to keep holding on.”

After hearing this episode, it made me think of all the times I had my depressive moments and thought, how could anyone see me like this and help me if I don’t even know what’s going on with me? But it also made me think that if this man could stand by his wife’s side for as long and lovingly as he did when she endured these phases, then there were more people like that out there, too, and the kind of person I want have by my side.

(Link to full podcast episode here)